My experience with adoption did not begin in August (2006) with the mountains of paperwork required for international adoption. It began in the heart of a little girl who thought she was getting a baby sister, and got a cousin instead. I didn’t know it then, but God would use this event in my young life to plant a seed that would take decades to grow.
I often wondered over the many years to follow why my heart ached so deeply when commercials would come on TV asking for aid and sponsorship for orphans in far away countries. I wanted to do more than simply send money. I wanted to reach into the screen and bring those children into my world and under my protection. I wanted to hold them and feed them and take care of them all. I know God was using these commercials to fertilize the seed he had planted in my heart so that it would grow.
As I grew up, I had a family of my own. Adoption was just not in my vision as I carried and gave birth to three, healthy, beautiful sons. It wasn’t until the spring of 1998 that I remembered my adoption desire as John and I contemplated adding another child to our family. Of course we had our own ideas of how, when, and where we would handle the adoption. Looking back, I laugh at the “control” we thought we had. I was certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that God was behind our adoption plans. After calling and researching every possible lead, doors were shutting left and right. No one was cooperating with OUR plan. I vividly remember the day that I dropped to my knees, fervently praying and crying out to God to tell me what to do. I thought I was following His will. Why all the road blocks?! In the midst of all my prayers, God whispers to me. He said that we should have a baby. The peace that ascended on me was so profound that I knew it could only come from my surrender to His will. I really believe that it is in my weakest moments that my heart is most pliable and accepting of His will. My fear of what God wanted me to do was from a lack of trust that whatever the outcome of the pregnancy, I could count on God to be there and to see me through.
We had Kelly, and a few years later, the feelings about adoption were stirring again. I talked to John, and we agreed to adopt. I truly felt God was behind these feelings, but did not discuss the details with Him. Once again, we were making our own plans. God did plant a new seed. He introduced me to the world of international adoption. I was immediately drawn to Guatemala, however, John was not on board for that. I decided that an adoption was an adoption wherever the child came from and we began Group preparation and Selection classes through DHR, a home study, and all of the paperwork necessary to be approved. We opened our hearts to the child we thought would fit our family, and decided on a girl around Kelly’s age. We knew that adopting a single child would be very unlikely. Siblings were a very real possibility. After many months of waiting after our local and state approval, it seemed as if no children were available. We decided to follow our social worker’s advice, and try foster care as a method to get a child in our home. God used this time in our lives to teach us about our family, and to show us for certain that we could love a child not born to us. He also showed us that it was not time for us to adopt. We cared for nine unforgettable children during this time. With each child that came, also came the question, ”Would this be the one?” We thought Gabby, who was a mere 5 weeks old when we took her in, was going to be the one. God placed her in our home at a time when life was so busy that caring for a newborn was very challenging. Once again, my knowing we were destined for adopting collided with many obstacles. In all of my confusion of not understanding why He would tell me to adopt, and then seemingly make it impossible, I found myself on my knees again crying out to my God. In answer, He sent me Lynne that day to comfort me with soothing words and the kind of healing hug that only a true friend can give. Peace settled over me, and I surrendered to His will, and awaited what I was to do next. My prayers were answered. A phone call this time. A social worker telling us that Gabby had siblings they didn’t know about, and she would have to be moved to be with them. What I thought was in my control, never was. HMMMMM…maybe I can remember this lesson next time.
I let go of the adoption, and tucked it deep into a corner of my heart. I knew I was not mistaken about our destiny, but for now I would listen to the Lord as He had asked me to wait. I would be content to ponder in my heart, what God’s will was and how it would come about.
God used the birth of my niece to stir up the desire for a child. By now, the boys were older, and Kelly was six. I continued to think about it, and began to pray. One day, God sent me a booklet in the mail about international adoption from AGCI. I had all but forgotten that this was the agency I had spoken to so many years ago. I didn’t realize that I was on their mailing list, because I had not received anything from them in all of this time.
I devoured the magazine, and felt the old, familiar stirrings. Tears flooded my eyes and filled my heart as I knew my family was travel worn from all of our previous experiences. I knew God was saying, “Yes.” I was so afraid my family would say ,“No.” They did. My questions for God all were about discerning if this was truly the time. He told me AND showed me over and over that this was indeed the time. I reminded God, as if He needed it, that the heart that would need convincing was my husband’s. He assured me that He would take care of that.
I prayed daily for John’s heart to soften and allow God’s will to be heard. On July 29th of 2006, I was reading the daily readings and the reflection in The Word Among Us was, ”How good it is to put our trust in God’s faithfulness.” That morning John came to me and told me he was ready to start the paperwork for the adoption.
When I look back, as it is so much easier to do, I see God’s hand moving mightily to bring me to where I am. He has grown my faith and trust in Him. He has taught me to be obedient and to seek His counsel in all things. He has showed me that He fulfills His promises, always. He is trustworthy and faithful. He has given me everything. When I get discouraged, He shows me how far I have come on my journey, and leads me to a greater depth of knowledge of Him. He comforts me and reassures me. He allows me to call upon Him for all of my needs.
God has used each life event to teach me and stretch me and prepare me for what is to come. He has given me resources in scripture and in words of wisdom from people who are close to me, and He has provided me with new friends who are immersed in the world of adoption to be prayer partners and support and encouragement as we travel a similar road together.
The scripture passage that has comforted me the most during this time is Habakkuk 2:3 “For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint; if it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late.”
My own Cursillo verse has also served to remind me that I am not alone on my journey. Matthew 11:28 “Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” I am sure that these words will continue to comfort me during the road ahead.
I am joyful in the knowledge that God does indeed answer prayers. He answers them with a “yes”, with a “no” ,or with a “wait”. Our waiting continues for this promised child.
DeColores!
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