When a Door Closes......

My Friends,
Oh how good it is to have friends. They talk with you, laugh with you, and cry with you. The last few days have been crying days. My faith in God's plan has been sorely tested. I am trying to stand firm and face the suffering that is my cross to bear. I offer it all up to Him who will be glorified in it.
All of this sadness is related to our latest adoption news. The child that was to be ours will not be coming home. It hurts to type those words. Each letter of it a painful reminder of the truth behind the words. Random letters on a keyboard, arranged in such a way as to bring tears from the very core of my being.
The story is a tragic one, about a woman of faith who can not care for another child. She seeks a way to secure the future of this tiny gift from her Lord. First, she chooses life. Praise the Lord! Second, she chooses a family to adopt her tiny daughter. That falls through. She must have been wondering what her Lord was doing. Then she chooses another family, meets them, and just knows it is the right family. She has peace. Her job is done.
The tragedy? Her untimely death. Gang violence is responsible. Where are you God? Why did this have to happen?
Now, what will become of this little daughter? She will not get to come home to the arms of the family that has waited for a year for her. I, her mommy, will never hold her in an embrace that is so full of love that we can cry together over this loss. I met her birth mother. I can tell her how sweet and wonderful she was. I will not get that chance.
God often closes doors to paths He does not want us to take. He has slammed this one shut! I am overwhelmed. I turn round and round looking for the window that He will open. It will be filled with light for this darkness, and provide the much needed air for my lungs. It is hard to breathe. There are so many "why's", but not so many answers.
I am trying to trust in His heart. He will not give His child anything that is not good for them. Lord God, please show me your way, and the goodness in all of this. If I am never to find out why this all happened, help me to be aware of your presence through this pain.

Trying to Feel the Joy

All,
Thank you for the prayers. The update is not good. I just heard from AGCI (our agency) that they were unable to get to our birth mother in time. The interview will have to be rescheduled. I ask for continued prayers of the faithful to help AGCI locate and notify our birth mother so that our process can continue. We are in a holding pattern...once again.
I am trying to give praise and glory to God from whom all good gifts come. I know He loves me, and will not forsake me. He who sees and knows all, knows what is best for me. Maybe the interviewers today are the unkind ones, and He is helping our birth mother be in an interview with a kind person. We will never know why this is happening, but I am trying to rest in Him, and trust His will.
As the Virgin Mary said,"Lord, be it done to me according to Your will. I am the handmaid of the Lord."

Our Lady of Guadelupe

This picture is my prayer today. I pray that Our Blessed Mother will continue to protect the children all over the world from the "beast", especially those in Guatemala awaiting permancy in the form of a family. I pray that the Virgin Mary, our heavenly mother, will watch over and protect all of the birth mothers who seek a better life for their children. Blessed Mary, please comfort these women as they stand in judgement before the PGN. You, as a mother, know especially what is in each of their hearts. You can feel their pain as no other can.

Hail Mary, full of grace

the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.

Holy Mary,

Mother of God,

Pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death.

Amen

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.

Contemplation.

Wubby took this picture a few weeks ago, when the spring, green leaves had just made a good appearance. It was a lovely day.
As I reflect on this picture I am reminded of God's provision. The tree just stays put, and leaves the worrying to the Creator. The rains come, and the tree just soaks it in. The drought comes, and the tree will rely on the times of rain when the Lord provided water. The tree knows not what each day will bring, but nonetheless, stands in the presence of the Lord and takes whatever comes. The tree knows that God will see to it's every need according to His will. The tree bends and sways with the will of the Father as the winds blow at times softly through it's branches, and at other times with the force of fury.
Today, as I was reading God's word, I was comforted by the message. It was as follows: James 1:2-3 "Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
And Psalms 119: 71-72 "It was good for me to be afflicted, in order to learn your laws. Teaching from your lips is more precious to me than heaps of silver and gold."

My humble prayer

Lord,
Teach me to be joyful in ALL things. Allow not my will but your own to be my goal. Forgive me for seeking my own intentions, when I should be seeking yours. Grant me wisdom to sustain me in my trials.
Amen

Samson

I had to post these pics. This is one of our sweet kitties. His name is Samson. The first pic of him is the look he gets on his face whenever Summer Rain is coming to play with him!LOL! The second pic is his disinterested look at the piano music box that he will have his first piano lesson on. The last picture is the determined Summer Rain making sure Sam-Sam gets his money's worth out of the lesson!!!

The Busy Life.

All,
I hope to get back into the blog swing of things this month. It has been a very busy time for us with preparations for our middle son's high school graduation, and his college acceptance and our daughter's dance recital. They all converge this weekend, and end on Tuesday evening with graduation ceremonies. Family will be in from out of state, and that means deep-cleaning inside and outside!!LOL! Got my mom and the MIL here for inspection!! Ouch!
Anyway, we cleaned the deck and planted lots and lots on Saturday and Sunday, and I have been a painting maniac trying to spruce up the place. It all needed attention, and there is nothing like impending company to get me up and running!! We are having a graduation reception for our DS on Sunday, and he politely asked if there was a limit to the number of friends he could invite!! GULP! "Uh, no dear. However, please don't invite the WHOLE senior class!!" That would be hundreds of kids! We shall see how many he pares it down to:)
Robin