Friday, March 21, 2008

Mind Pictures

Today I was reminded by a sweet friend of the "mind pictures" we conjure when waiting on our referral of our precious children. We are asked by social workers, co-workers, and even family..."What will the child look like?" I could never say for sure, until I saw her face, but I knew for sure that she was beautiful, and had the biggest brown eyes, and shiny black hair. The rest was just deatails. Now that I can see her image in photograhs, she is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined, and she is mine. Not by my design, but by God's. His way is always better.
As I look back over the course of my life, I have always had a desire to have a dark-eyed daughter,who has shiny, black hair. Funny, I would see so many of these children, and long for one of my own to pick up and hug and hold and kiss. I have actually had to restrain my fingers from reaching out to touch the beautiful hair and brown skin of children at church or in stores. I often wondered why I had such a strong desire where these particular children were concerned. Now I know. God kept this desire alive in me so that I would seek out the daughter He had planned for me. Not the four blue-eyed children he has blessed me with, those children came to me, but the one I would have to go to, the one He fashioned in a far away place, where he knitted her together in her mother's womb, in anticipation of the "other" mother who would hold her in her arms and cherish her for all eternity.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Starfish Story


A young man is walking along the ocean and sees a beach on which thousands and thousands of starfish have washed ashore. Further along he sees an old man, walking slowly and stooping often, picking up one starfish after another and tossing each one gently into the ocean.
"Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?," he asks.
"Because the sun is up and the tide is going out and if I don't throw them further in they will die."
"But, old man, don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it! You can't possibly save them all, you can't even save one-tenth of them. In fact, even if you work all day, your efforts won't make any difference at all."
The old man listened calmly and then bent down to pick up another starfish and threw it into the sea. "It made a difference to that one."
Mr. Eiseley

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Beginning of the Beginning!




My experience with adoption did not begin in August (2006) with the mountains of paperwork required for international adoption. It began in the heart of a little girl who thought she was getting a baby sister, and got a cousin instead. I didn’t know it then, but God would use this event in my young life to plant a seed that would take decades to grow.
I often wondered over the many years to follow why my heart ached so deeply when commercials would come on TV asking for aid and sponsorship for orphans in far away countries. I wanted to do more than simply send money. I wanted to reach into the screen and bring those children into my world and under my protection. I wanted to hold them and feed them and take care of them all. I know God was using these commercials to fertilize the seed he had planted in my heart so that it would grow.
As I grew up, I had a family of my own. Adoption was just not in my vision as I carried and gave birth to three, healthy, beautiful sons. It wasn’t until the spring of 1998 that I remembered my adoption desire as John and I contemplated adding another child to our family. Of course we had our own ideas of how, when, and where we would handle the adoption. Looking back, I laugh at the “control” we thought we had. I was certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that God was behind our adoption plans. After calling and researching every possible lead, doors were shutting left and right. No one was cooperating with OUR plan. I vividly remember the day that I dropped to my knees, fervently praying and crying out to God to tell me what to do. I thought I was following His will. Why all the road blocks?! In the midst of all my prayers, God whispers to me. He said that we should have a baby. The peace that ascended on me was so profound that I knew it could only come from my surrender to His will. I really believe that it is in my weakest moments that my heart is most pliable and accepting of His will. My fear of what God wanted me to do was from a lack of trust that whatever the outcome of the pregnancy, I could count on God to be there and to see me through.
We had Kelly, and a few years later, the feelings about adoption were stirring again. I talked to John, and we agreed to adopt. I truly felt God was behind these feelings, but did not discuss the details with Him. Once again, we were making our own plans. God did plant a new seed. He introduced me to the world of international adoption. I was immediately drawn to Guatemala, however, John was not on board for that. I decided that an adoption was an adoption wherever the child came from and we began Group preparation and Selection classes through DHR, a home study, and all of the paperwork necessary to be approved. We opened our hearts to the child we thought would fit our family, and decided on a girl around Kelly’s age. We knew that adopting a single child would be very unlikely. Siblings were a very real possibility. After many months of waiting after our local and state approval, it seemed as if no children were available. We decided to follow our social worker’s advice, and try foster care as a method to get a child in our home. God used this time in our lives to teach us about our family, and to show us for certain that we could love a child not born to us. He also showed us that it was not time for us to adopt. We cared for nine unforgettable children during this time. With each child that came, also came the question, ”Would this be the one?” We thought Gabby, who was a mere 5 weeks old when we took her in, was going to be the one. God placed her in our home at a time when life was so busy that caring for a newborn was very challenging. Once again, my knowing we were destined for adopting collided with many obstacles. In all of my confusion of not understanding why He would tell me to adopt, and then seemingly make it impossible, I found myself on my knees again crying out to my God. In answer, He sent me Lynne that day to comfort me with soothing words and the kind of healing hug that only a true friend can give. Peace settled over me, and I surrendered to His will, and awaited what I was to do next. My prayers were answered. A phone call this time. A social worker telling us that Gabby had siblings they didn’t know about, and she would have to be moved to be with them. What I thought was in my control, never was. HMMMMM…maybe I can remember this lesson next time.
I let go of the adoption, and tucked it deep into a corner of my heart. I knew I was not mistaken about our destiny, but for now I would listen to the Lord as He had asked me to wait. I would be content to ponder in my heart, what God’s will was and how it would come about.
God used the birth of my niece to stir up the desire for a child. By now, the boys were older, and Kelly was six. I continued to think about it, and began to pray. One day, God sent me a booklet in the mail about international adoption from AGCI. I had all but forgotten that this was the agency I had spoken to so many years ago. I didn’t realize that I was on their mailing list, because I had not received anything from them in all of this time.
I devoured the magazine, and felt the old, familiar stirrings. Tears flooded my eyes and filled my heart as I knew my family was travel worn from all of our previous experiences. I knew God was saying, “Yes.” I was so afraid my family would say ,“No.” They did. My questions for God all were about discerning if this was truly the time. He told me AND showed me over and over that this was indeed the time. I reminded God, as if He needed it, that the heart that would need convincing was my husband’s. He assured me that He would take care of that.
I prayed daily for John’s heart to soften and allow God’s will to be heard. On July 29th of 2006, I was reading the daily readings and the reflection in The Word Among Us was, ”How good it is to put our trust in God’s faithfulness.” That morning John came to me and told me he was ready to start the paperwork for the adoption.
When I look back, as it is so much easier to do, I see God’s hand moving mightily to bring me to where I am. He has grown my faith and trust in Him. He has taught me to be obedient and to seek His counsel in all things. He has showed me that He fulfills His promises, always. He is trustworthy and faithful. He has given me everything. When I get discouraged, He shows me how far I have come on my journey, and leads me to a greater depth of knowledge of Him. He comforts me and reassures me. He allows me to call upon Him for all of my needs.
God has used each life event to teach me and stretch me and prepare me for what is to come. He has given me resources in scripture and in words of wisdom from people who are close to me, and He has provided me with new friends who are immersed in the world of adoption to be prayer partners and support and encouragement as we travel a similar road together.
The scripture passage that has comforted me the most during this time is Habakkuk 2:3 “For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint; if it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late.”
My own Cursillo verse has also served to remind me that I am not alone on my journey. Matthew 11:28 “Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” I am sure that these words will continue to comfort me during the road ahead.
I am joyful in the knowledge that God does indeed answer prayers. He answers them with a “yes”, with a “no” ,or with a “wait”. Our waiting continues for this promised child.
DeColores!

Home Sweet Home


Hey everybody! How are ya doing? Here, we are fine. I just wanted to post about my dream I had a couple of nights ago. It was early Sunday morning(my birthday, none the less), when I awoke to realize I had had an incredible dream! Don't ya just love waking up to find out you have had a great dream, and that you can actually remember what it was about??!! Well, it was about our sweet daughter that is still at Hannah's Hope in Guatemala. First I must tell you that a theme about nursing your adopted child has been flowing through the messages on the yahoo group I am a member of. It is a group for adoptive parents who are with All God's Children International. Anyway, I dreamed that I was nursing my beautiful daughter! I could actually feel her in my arms. How wonderful those moments were. For those of you who might be wondering, adoptive nursing is something that I feel very called to do. I have had concerns about the age of initiation, because our daughter is over a year old, but God sometimes reveals to us in our dreams things that give us peace. You all may remember the other special dream I had about our daughter. For those of you who don't recall this incident, I will refresh your memory!! OK, here goes. We got put on the girl's waiting list in Dec. 2006. In January, we were number 29. A long way from a referral (six months to be exact!). Any way, I had a dream one night that I was holding my new daughter, and all of our family was surrounding me and her. It was a very special moment, and I wrote about it on the list serve in a post to my friend. Needless to say, it would be many months before we would receive our referral. When we did we were elated! After we had traveled for our visit trip, and were back home, I was searching for something in the archives of the AGCI listserve, when I came across the posting about my dream. I was so sentimental as I re-read what I had written, and remembered the dream...how sweet, that all of those months ago, I had dreamed about my baby girl. As I was exiting out of that post, my eye caught sight of the date I had had the dream. It was on the very day that our daughter was born!! You see, she was six months old at our referral! Tears filled my eyes! I called everyone I knew to tell them of God's province in "the details"!!! He would want me to know that she truly was the one He chose for our family. I knew before this, but I had NO DOUBT after this!! Wubby and I would often talk about "How will we know if our referral is "the one"?" God dispelled all doubt!! We have a great God! He knows us inside and out! That is so comforting to know:)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Serenity and Rest

Yesterday was a trying day. Isn't it wonderful how God provides for us even before we figure out what we need?! Where am I going with this? I will tell you. First off, I meet with a group of extraordinary women every Wednesday morning at 6:15 am (Yes, AM!)., in the library of our church. We share, we give, we listen, and we are present to each other in a way that only God can weave together. Now, when I went yesterday morning, I was reminded of the Serenity prayer. You know the one.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Very powerful words, and very useful to me yesterday afternoon. I didn't realize when the prayer was mentioned early that day, that I would so need those words just a few hours later. God knew. This prayer, uttered through a tide of tears, was a comforting shawl around my sagging shoulders. The other provision that was set up for me was that my wubby was home for the day. He was preparing for a four day trip that started today, and he was taking an extra day spur of the moment sort of. I didn't know I would need him there. God knew.

I was at the computer, much like now, when the phone rang. I glanced at the number, and answered it. It was our case worker from our adoption agency, All God's Children International.
The voice on the other end of the phone was not a joyful voice. (She happens to have a very joyful voice!) I knew something was not good. She started to give me the news I was dreading. Our file had been previewed and another document was being requested. This is our second preview, so it hurt twice as much. She went on to say that it would be 1-2 weeks to get the document, and then we would be resubmitted to the PGN(Guatemala board of advisers who approve adoptions). To make matters worse, when your file gets kicked out of PGN, you go back in and start the process all over. You do not start from where you left off.

The sadness of the news crept across me and settled in my soul. I was exhausted from the emotional turmoil, and from physically sobbing and drenching my pillow as well as my husbands shoulder. He was there for me because my Lord knew he would need to be. The Serenity Prayer raced through my mind over and over. Each time I prayed those words, I could feel myself becoming more and more accepting of God's plan.

I also relied on the words of a very special verse in God's word. Matthew 11:28. "Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest." WOW! Could I ever use the rest! God had once more provided me with strength for the journey...and even rest for the tiredness that sought to overcome me.

I love our Lord. He is good, all the time.

The story does not end there. Today we received another call from AGCI. The attorney for our agency had the needed document and we were resubmitted to PGN ! What would have taken a couple of weeks, was done in a day! Isn't that just like God! He wants us to seek Him in all things, and He wants to show us His power!

Krispy Kreme


YUM! Sunday is my birthday, and my wubby will be out of town from today until Sunday evening. SOOOO, this morning in the darkness before daylight, he slipped out of bed, dressed, and braved the night to go across town to the Krispy Kreme shop to bring me two dozen of my favorite doughnuts!! He also managed to get all four of our children to surround me at 7:20 am to sing Happy Birthday!! That in itself was a gift!! None of them are morning people!LOL!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Spa Time!



I found this picture of my daughter(middle) and two of her close friends. We had a spa party for them! It was great fun!! We did facials, manicures, pedicures, and fizzy, whirlpool foot baths. We also played a fun game of "Go Fish" with decorated bags that contained beauty items such as nail polish and emery boards, cotton balls and hair clips! They enjoyed that game so much they played it over and over!! They dined on sparkling juice and petite fores, chocolate-dipped giant strawberries and....well....pizza cause they ARE kids after all! I bought them all matching cozy robes and truly pampered them all evening:)

This picture reminded me that during this long journey to our children, we should not forget to pamper ourselves a little to keep us feeling fresh and to help us not to become weary travelers. We can go the distance!! If a trip to the spa helps...so be it:)
Good Afternoon ! I am glad you came to visit me today:)
You are probably wondering who in the world is in this picture. No? Well, I will tell you anyway, cuz that's just the kind of gal I am.(TEEHEE)! This is a picture of the members of the band called The Arrival. Don't recognize them? Hmmmm. We'll have to remedy that:) The REALLY cute one in the front is my favorite!!! The far left is their drummer, next to him is their vocalist, in front is their lead guitarist, and on the far right is their bass player. I am most likely their oldest groupie, and love it!! I cannot wait to buy a T-shirt!!( They sell them , ya know....just in case you want one too! There is a pretty yellow one with butterflies, and a black one with green flowers.)
SO what is it about this group of musicians that makes me like them so much? Outside of the fact that they are all talented individuals, that cute one in front is my oldest son!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

A Healthy Heart!! Oh, happy day!

I can hardly contain my excitement or my tears! My nephew and his wife are going to have a baby! Our whole family has rallied around these two in prayer, and now, today, we found out that the baby is a girl, and she has a healthy heart!
This news is balm for the souls of our family. This small child had an older sister...born Jan.9,2007, and entered into eternal life on March 14, 2007 at 9 weeks old. Her name was Aubrey Ruth and she was absolutely beautiful! She was diagnosed with left hypoplastic heart, and bravely endured much suffering in an effort to give her a chance at life. God had other plans. He called her back to Him where she would no longer feel the pain of her hospital stay, but would be cradled in His arms for all of eternity. We love you Aubrey, and miss you terribly!

Praising God for new life!
Robin

Sunday, March 2, 2008


I love this pic of our sweetie:) She is so very pink!!

Make a joyful noise!

Good afternoon friends!
I am once again sitting in front of my computer.(I am getting quite attached to this chair.) I wanted some quiet time, so I have convinced my daughter and her friend that they need to be outside on this most gorgeous day that God has made:) It worked, and so all is calm..except my thoughts.
I must share a way in which God has done wondrous things. I think you will like this:) Last year (bear with me), my daughter, who was in second grade, refused to be in the children's choir at church. I begged and pleaded and promised blessings untold if she would just make a joyful noise for the lord. NO! NADA! NOPE!(Mind you, she sings constantly at home.) Fast forward to this year, a couple of months into the school year (she attends our parish's Catholic School), she finds out that her friend is joining the choir. Well, if SHE is joining, maybe I should join too. Alleluia !! She is finally joining the choir! Now, once she gets in, she LOVES IT!! She also found out that some lucky person who is willing and able can actually stand up at the podium and cantor!! OOOHHHH!AAAAHHHH!! She just HAD to be one of them! She is all about confidence! Make no mistake that she will not have a problem voicing her opinion...ever! Anyway, last night she had a friend over, and they were singing,"The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want." My daughter was plucking it out on a guitar, and they sang the refrain together. They sang this over and over and over...until Wubby and I were humming along, and could not get the tune out of our heads!! This morning at mass, the children's choir was to sing. The children were filing in to take their seats, and our daughter walks by the pew where we are sitting, and whispers, "I'm cantoring!" Low and behold, when it came time for her to cantor...all alone up there in front of the largest populated service of the day(standing on a stool so she could reach the mic), she amazed one and all by the sweetness that floated out of her soul and into the hearts of all present. I was so moved by her little unwavering voice, but even more moved by the Holy Spirit, because the verse she had to cantor was none other than,"The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want!"

Saturday, March 1, 2008



This is one of our son's early pieces that he did in class. I love it! He used pastels as the medium. I think that is why I like it so much. I'll try to post some more of his work later. Hope you enjoyed this one.

Just to be clear, he did not get his talent from me. I am lucky to color in the lines!!!

The unveiling of "The Wubby"!!!
This picture is for my friend (you know who you are...teehee!). Wubby is usually taking the pictures, and doesn't much like to be in front of the camera. He makes a dashing Wubby though, don't ya think! I have been in love with this guy since I was sweet 16!! Yep! That's what I said...16!! And he has had to put up with me as penance...poor fella:)

I love this picture of my sweeties. They are ALL smiling:) Not an easy feat with a 21 year old, two teenagers, and an eight year old! Of course we had just dropped a couple hundred bucks feeding them at a Champaign Brunch! It is our family tradition to go to this place every Easter after mass. They love it, and it comes complete with a person dressed up in a bunny costume for authenticity!! How fun!!
This picture is very special to us. Not only because it represents a very special moment in the faith of our daughter, but also because it was the picture that gave comfort and peace to our birthmother when we met her. We were telling her we would be praying for her, and she asked us where we prayed. We told her we were Catholic, and showed her this picture of our daughter in her First Communion Dress. She cried as she asked us if we would please send her a picture of our new daughter in HER First Communion dress! Of course I broke down into a blithering mess, and assured her that we most definately would. How comforting for us both to know that this sweet baby was going to be raised in the same faith as that of both her birthmother and her adoptive mother. This was very special to us both. Crossing all barriers of culture and language is God's love and provision for His children, and the perfection in His will. Every time our birthmother goes to Mass, she can rest assured that her daughter is also there, in another country perhaps, but nonetheless present before the same Lord as she is, and receiving Him in Holy Communion. A connection devised by our God to bring comfort and peace to two families who are forever intertwining their lives.
OOPS!

I had to laugh as I re-read my very first blog post, only to realize that I had a typo in February!! I guess that is just another reason to be glad it is MARCH!!!

Today is the day my middle son has an interview with a college he applied to. He found out he is a finalist for receiving an art scholarship!! We are very excited for him! Even if he doesn't get it, I will be happy that he was a finalist! He dropped off his protfolio on 2/6, and was notified last week. He very casually mentioned it to us as if it was no big deal! Just said one afternoon,"Uh ,by the way. I have to be in Birmingham on Saturday morning for an interview. I am a finalist for an art scholarship." Of course, then, his phone rang, and he was off to talk with his friend!!

BREAKING NEWS! My wubby just called. The interview is complete, and they (three gentlemen interviewers) were very impressed with our son's work!!YEA! Apparently he had something in common with all three interviewers, and made a good impression:) Now we wait (ouch! Sorry to use the "w" word.) to see if he gets offered the scholarship:) My Wubby said they are interviewing 6 candidates for 3 scholarships...being the engineer that he is, he said "He has a 50-50 chance of getting one." Always calculating something!!

Now you all can be on the edge of your seats while waiting for the outcaome of all of this! I know I will be:)

Praising God for all good gifts are from Him!

Robin