When a Door Closes......

My Friends,
Oh how good it is to have friends. They talk with you, laugh with you, and cry with you. The last few days have been crying days. My faith in God's plan has been sorely tested. I am trying to stand firm and face the suffering that is my cross to bear. I offer it all up to Him who will be glorified in it.
All of this sadness is related to our latest adoption news. The child that was to be ours will not be coming home. It hurts to type those words. Each letter of it a painful reminder of the truth behind the words. Random letters on a keyboard, arranged in such a way as to bring tears from the very core of my being.
The story is a tragic one, about a woman of faith who can not care for another child. She seeks a way to secure the future of this tiny gift from her Lord. First, she chooses life. Praise the Lord! Second, she chooses a family to adopt her tiny daughter. That falls through. She must have been wondering what her Lord was doing. Then she chooses another family, meets them, and just knows it is the right family. She has peace. Her job is done.
The tragedy? Her untimely death. Gang violence is responsible. Where are you God? Why did this have to happen?
Now, what will become of this little daughter? She will not get to come home to the arms of the family that has waited for a year for her. I, her mommy, will never hold her in an embrace that is so full of love that we can cry together over this loss. I met her birth mother. I can tell her how sweet and wonderful she was. I will not get that chance.
God often closes doors to paths He does not want us to take. He has slammed this one shut! I am overwhelmed. I turn round and round looking for the window that He will open. It will be filled with light for this darkness, and provide the much needed air for my lungs. It is hard to breathe. There are so many "why's", but not so many answers.
I am trying to trust in His heart. He will not give His child anything that is not good for them. Lord God, please show me your way, and the goodness in all of this. If I am never to find out why this all happened, help me to be aware of your presence through this pain.