Longing.....

Good Morning out there!!
I have been trying to update this blog of mine for a few days, and finally have a minute to do so. I will probably need to make two entries, but we'll see ;-)
First of all, I want to put your minds at ease. We have heard absolutely nothing in the past 30 days about our case. Nada. Zip. Our wait continues...
Now on to my title of this post...LONGING. I once read a statement that said, "Stop longing, and start living." Those words meant a lot to me at the time. I took them to heart, and picked myself up off of the floor, and swept the "poor me" attitude out of my head. I started living day by day, in the here and now, keeping my longing at bay. That worked very well for me. It helped me tremendously when I needed to be present in the present.
Then there is the elapsed time...we come to today. Here I am still living in the present( for the most part), very hopeful of the future, and WHAM!!! I was reading a reflection from St. Jude. (I just love St. Jude. He is such a powerful patron saint, and friend of Jesus. I love how he talks with Jesus, and reminds Him of all I keep praying about. You see, I pray, then I put St. Jude on the job of pestering Jesus about answering my prayers. Jesus loves His friend, and will honor that friendship. It is a win/win situation :-) That is my secret!! Oh, of course I always involve The Blessed Mother Mary, too. After all, God the Father told us to "Honor thy Mother and they Father" , so if Mother Mary is asking Jesus to do something, He, as her son, very well cannot refuse to honor her!! I just keep reminding Jesus in my prayers that His Mother needs to talk with Him about me :-)
Anyway...on to what I read today about longing.

Day 29 -- March 25th

We take a moment this twenty-ninth day of Lent to reflect with contrition and resolve:

Accept your longings. Know that the desires of the heart are always with us, and we must learn to live with them in peace. With the changing of the seasons comes renewed hope.

Please send your special intentions for Lent to the National Shrine of St. Jude today.

OK, so now I have to live with my longings, not stop them??? As I reflected on this, I realized that that is just what I am doing. My longing to bring my daughter home is always with me, however, I have learned to live in peace with this longing. Until she is under my roof, I will have this longing. It is not going anywhere. It will one day be replaced with other longings. Not longings for her presence, because she will be here with me, but new longings for the fulfillment of the wonderful life that God has planned for her.

Marching On

Encouragement.
I love to get and give it, so I will share some with you today.

A verse from Hebrews 3:14. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly til the end the confidence we had at first.

I pondered this over and over. I thought about the confidence I had in the beginning of our adoption process. I had LOADS of it. I started with such a sureness of heart and mind. I JUST KNEW the end result. A negative thought never crossed my mind. Why? Hmmm. I wonder why I felt that way? I answered myself. It was because of my communion with my Lord. He was guiding me. He was showing me the path He wanted me to go. He was dispelling all doubt and fear. WOW!!

What changed? Not my mind. Circumstances? They are always changing, aren't they? True there were ups and downs. There have been delays, and more delays, and obstacles, and shut-downs,and missed milestones and fingerprint renewals, and death itself even touched our lives. What about HIS mind? None of these things have changed His mind either. Did I hear His voice in the beginning? YES I DID! Do I still hear His voice? YES I DO! What do I think He is saying to me right now? He is saying, "The greatest challenge in receiving great things from God is holding on for the last half hour."
I really feel like this is the "last half hour".

I know I have walked the breadth of many valleys during this journey to my daughter. There have been many mountain top experiences too! There have been pictures and videos of the sweetest little girl in Guatemala. There were two times that I treasure the most, the times that I was actually with this precious daughter of mine, and was able to hold her close, and permeate as much love to her as I possible could. That miraculous day last summer when our case worker called to tell us our adoption could continue!! If that wasn't the Lord opening a door someone else tried to close, I don't know what is!! The Lord has been faithful to me. He has never once told me to quit. He has always kept us on track. He has never failed us, not once. My confidence that overflowed in the beginning is back in abundance!! The Lord is faithful, and will complete this wonderful work He has begun.

Week in Review

My Dear Friends,
Thank you for visiting my little corner of the world :-) I must say, that the Lord has been sending me many blessings lately!! Thank you Jesus!!
I have a lot to share with you, so sit back with your favorite beverage and catch up with me as I review the encouragement and power God has shown this past week.

Tuesday, Feb 17th:
From my devotional Streams in the Desert came the words, "Lift up your head and begin praising Him right now for the deliverance that is on its way to you!"
Now, I obeyed this command, and deliverance came the next day!
The reading for the day from Genesis 7:11 ...in the second month, on the 17th day of the month: it was on that day that All the fountains of the great abyss burst forth, and the floodgates of the sky were opened.
Hmmmm, the second month (Feb for us) the 17th day...that is TODAY!! God's word/promise to Noah was fulfilled on this day. I will wait in joyful expectation to see what my Lord is going to do today in my life!

Wednesday, Feb. 18th:
Streams again: Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.(Mark 11:24) Jesus says, "Get up and lets go on to the next thing."
Now, today Wubby and I had a conference call with our lawyer in Guatemala and with our case worker. Basically, the judge in Minor's Court who is handling our case gave permission to our lawyer to submit our request for permission to sign the final adoption decree. This has to be signed by the Mandatory because of our birthmother's untimely death. Judge #2 will review our case a final time, and come back with a decision on whether or not our home is the place Y will spend the rest of her life.
We were told that on average, it takes 1-3 months for a decision to be rendered. We, of course, are praying for a speedy decision if God will permit it:-)
I guess we are "getting up and going on to the next thing."

Thursday Feb 19th:
This is the 6th day of prayer for the St. Jude Novena I am praying. St. Jude has always interceded on my behalf to our Lord Jesus. St. Jude is a very powerful intercessor!! He always brings speedy help. Thank you St. Jude!! Every time I have prayed this novena, we get movement in our case!!

Friday Feb 20th:
A reading for today Psalm 33:11
...the plan of the Lord stands forever.

Saturday Feb. 21st:
From Streams: God's promise is equal to His presence. His purpose in waiting is to receive more glory through it.
My thoughts on this:
The beginning of this adoption was about a desire placed in my heart. That desire, I truly believe, was placed there by God. Then somehow, I took over. It became "my" adoption. I was taking full credit for this. As the months and years have passed, as I have waited for "the vision to have its time", God has humbled me and disciplined me. He has shown me that the only part of this I have had any control over was my "yes" to His calling. After that, no credit is mine. No paper filled out, no fingerprint taken, no overnighted mailings, not the selection of us by our birthmother, not PGN approval, nor even the letter written to the judge. All of these things are the property of my Lord. HE has done a great work. HE has a divine plan that is, well, divine. My part is to be obedient, to say "yes". No credit for me. Don't need it, don't want it, didn't earn it. The credit all goes to Him. This isn't about me. It is all about Him!
Now, the judge that has our file is supposed to be very hard. I smile at that today. Why, you may ask? Because it isn't about her either. The harder she is perceived to be, the more glory my Lord will get when she says "yes"!!

Sunday Feb 22nd:
Streams: ...Everything is possible for him who believes.

Psalm 37:5 "
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this."

My personal prayer today:
Jesus, thank you for my waiting.Thank you for the closeness we share.Thank you for showing me more and more of your heart. Thank you for helping me see you in the details. Thank you for reminding me to share these things with others, so that they may see too, and so that they will seek you in the details of their lives.
Jesus help me as I raise Y. Help me to be the best mother to her that I can be. Be my guide and my strength as she grows up and develops her relationship of love and trust in you. Help me to show her how much she can depend upon you to answer all of the questions she may have. Help me to bring her to you, where she will find love, peace, comfort, wisdom, healing, and so many other graces that you have waiting for her. We are all so blessed to have such a loving, caring, personal God. You care about every detail, and I am humbled by the fact that you care so much for me.I love you Jesus. Amen.

Monday Feb. 23rd:
Today the paperwork will be submitted to Judge #2 in Minor's Court. My vision for our lawyer is of her surrounded by a legion of angels. They are protecting her, and the very important paperwork she carries. Her path will be straight and not a single pebble will cause her to stumble. Not a single obstacle will cause her to delay. The judge in Minor's Court is waiting...the Judge of Heaven and Earth is in control. "Lord, your will be done."

Streams: And there came a lion.
Every difficulty and temptation that comes our way, if we receive it correctly, is God's opportunity.
This passage reminded me of Daniel and the lion's den. Very significant to me today because of Y's middle name....cryptic I know :-) God protected Daniel, and shut the mouths of the lions. He will do the same for the lion's who prowl around ready to devour Y!!!

Tuesday Feb. 24th:
Psalm 37:4 Find your delight in the Lord who will give you your heart's desires.
A reflection on this verse from the Living Faith magazine: God never forgets the desires of our heart; after all, He put them there in the first place.
Mark 9:37
"Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me."

Just wanted to share a tidbit of encouragement I got today. Wubby, Summer Rain, and I were discussing Y's name last night and the ability to pronounce it correctly and pronounce it the same every time we say it. We really don't do this very well. So we thought about others, and her life here with a name that no one will have an easy time with. We don't want her to experience that stress. So, we were talking about her middle name. Pretty easy to pronounce and pretty much everyone will get it right. No stress! We can still keep the name her birthmother gave her, but use her middle name. My oldest son goes by his middle name, so she won't be the only one in the family that does this. Now for the encouragement part... I was praying on and off today about "Judge #2" and our case. For some reason I felt the need to look up this new name we might be calling Y by. I searched name meanings and there in black and white were the words: ******* means God is my judge. Sorry Judge #2, but there is another Judge, THE Judge, that will be handling our case!

Wednesday Feb. 25th:
2Corinthians 5:20-6:2:
...Working together, then, we appeal to you not to receive the Grace of God in vain. For He says,"In an acceptable time I heard you, and on the day of salvation I helped you." Behold, now is a very acceptable time; behold, now is the day of salvation.

I am pondering these words, and wondering what my Lord is doing now!!

I received an e-mail from my case worker. Our paperwork got submitted on Monday as it was supposed to!! YEAH!!

Well,
I hope you were able to "stay awake" with me for this hour :-)
Peace and Blessing be with you all

Growing up too fast!

This picture of Summer Rain was taken the night of the Indian Princess father/daughter dance last Friday night(before she left). She was so lovely in her pink dress! I cannot believe how big she is getting to be. It seems like only yesterday my baby was a baby!! She had fun wearing "real" lipstick and dancing the night away with her Dadda.
Ahh, these moments are priceless:-)

My Angel

Good afternoon! I am finally able to sit for a moment and write about my trip home. Friday morning was pretty much as usual, with the exception of the gnawing feeling in my gut that I had to leave Guatemala that day...and without my sweet Y! I kept tears at bay by busying myself in the mundane tasks before me such as re-packing all of the things I had unpacked, and preparing for travel. Suitcases:CHECK! Carry-on bag: CHECK! Passport:CHECK! Itinerary:CHECK! Daughter:Oh no....hear come the tears:-(
Ah well, I am sure you can imagine my sadness that day.
On the way home, during the first leg of the trip,on the plane, I was seated next to a young gentleman who spoke no English. I think it prudent to tell you all that for days before traveling, I prayed for this individual. Not for this particular man, because I do not know him, but for the person who would get the "duty" of sitting beside me on the plane ride home after having to leave my daughter there. This young man was the perfect stranger. He spoke not a word, just smiled when appropriate, and never as much as brushed my elbow during the whole flight. I thought I would want to talk the whole way back, but I didn't, and so he really was just what I needed. When the flight was almost over, and as I was contemplating my week with Y, I kept talking with God about His message to me. I just KNEW He was going to tell me some very important message on this trip. I had expected it. I had waited for it. Nothing. Silence. Now, don't misunderstand. I loved every minute of my time with Y. I believe with my whole heart that I was supposed to be with her that week, and that I was supposed to be alone on this trip.But I ALSO believed He would send me news. Something. Hmmmmm. I asked God,"What's up with not giving me a message?" As I pondered this question, I noticed movement in the stranger next to me. He pulled out a very small, black leather covered miniature Bible. I took a closer look. Yes, it was indeed a Bible. Very tiny, but a Bible none the less. The red satin ribbon that was attached at the spine was shredded from use, and the pages were flared from many a fingers flipping through the well read pages. The stranger rested his hands, and found the place he wanted to read from. That was when I noticed the title of the book from which he read! I was in shock. I barely breathed. My mouth dropped open, and my eyes teared up. My hand took on a life of its own as I reached across him to touch the book title, and the very chapter and verse that I recognized from many a time reading and re-reading it to give myself and others comfort and encouragement. It was the very place that every morning I would flip to in my own Bible at home. It was marked in my Bible with a very favorite bookmark. It was Habakkuk 2:3 "For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint; If it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late."
The word angel means messenger of God. This angel was sent to sit by me and deliver the very words of God from God's own book, to me. When we exited the plane, the man disappeared. I did not see him in line at immigration. I did not see him in line at customs. I saw everyone else from the plane, but not him.

Firsts, Lasts, and Breakthroughs

Well, here I am again updating you all on this adventure I am on. Today has been filled with wonder and sadness. Lets talk about the wonder!! Firsts today: Y spoke a few words in English! They were purple, light, cat, and playdoh. She didn't want to leave my room when it was time for our one on one to be over. SHE wanted ME to hold her hand going down the stairs after eating dinner. Lasts: I kissed her goodnight for the last time this week. I rocked her for the last time this week. I had her all alone for the last time this week. I put on her pajamas for the last time this week. I played with her hair..well, I will get to do that a little tomorrow.
OK. Now I must tell you about the breakthroughs. Of course one was when she wanted me to hold her hand going down stairs. Another is her not wanting to leave my room to go back to hers. The other I must tell the whole story.
After Y's bath tonight, I put her into her crib with a bottle. She drinks the bottle and when she is done, she gives it to me to put away...this is just the way they do things. I held out my hands to her and asked her if she wanted to rock with me while she took her bottle. She said no, so I leaned over the crib as she drank and caressed her head and hair as I looked into her eyes as much as she would connect, then I just sat in the rocking chair next to her crib and smiled at her. She finished her bottle and stood up to give it to me. I took it and put it in the bin. She held up her arms to get out, and I thought she wanted to rock. I got her out, and she wanted to just get down. I let her get down and she ran about for a little while until it was time for bed. At that time, I scooped her up and asked her again if she wanted to rock...can you see how much I wanted to rock her??? She said No, and so I put her in her crib. She ran as far away from me as she could, to the far corner of her crib. She had the best pouty face on!! I had to turn away to keep from smiling at her. As I sat there and rocked myself, I wasn't about to leave yet, the little girl in the crib opposite of Y started to take off her pajama bottoms. I called to her and told her not to take off her clothes. Well, when Y heard me she started to take off her top. She was struggling with the first sleeve when I caught her. I said No. No take off your pajamas, Y. No. She looked at me and pouted out that lip and said NO! I just gave her that Momma said no look that we all have, and she immediately started putting her hand back through the sleeve. I praised her, smiled at her and said Mui Bien Y. She immediately ran over to my side of her crib, I held out my hands to her as I was still sitting down, and she grabbed my right hand, squeezing it tight, brought it to her sweet face and laid her head in my palm. She smiled into my eyes. She was so happy to please her momma! She knew I loved her, and she didn't want to jeopardize that love. I cried instantly! Then the little precious daughter of mine held out her tiny arms to me. I picked her up, and sat down in the rocking chair. So soon, she was fast asleep against my chest. I cried silent tears so as not to wake her. They streamed down my cheeks. She knows I am her momma. God is good! I gently laid her in her crib, and was walking out of the room. The little boy in the crib next to hers reached through the slats and pulled her hair just enough to wake her up. She looked around and gave a whimper. The special mother there told her that I was leaving, and Y cried for me to come back. I practically ran over to her with a big smile on my face. After all,my daughter needed me. As soon as she saw me, she whined no more, and I reached in to her crib and petted her and ran my fingers through her hair until she was content. I kissed her goodnight. It was the best ending today could have ever had.

Thursday Already???

Hola my friends!
I am still here enjoying this lovely time. I wish you were all here with me. You see, there are so many children to hold and to love that it seems impossible for me to get to every one enough times in a day. My heart bleeds for these little ones who may never have homes of their own. Their eyes cry out for attention and their arms reach high for someone to pick them up. The reward? Lets just say that I have seen the face of God and lived! These children are the very face of God. No doubt about it.
My little sweetie is a wonder. She is so very smart and independent. She doesn't like to rely on anyone. She does ask for help if she cannot do the task, but she never asks before trying hard for herself first.I love the way she holds up her hands in the air about to the level of her ears and says,"TAH" when she does something. We say Ta-Da. When she wants to show me she has finished the bite she has in her mouth she opens wide and shows me it is all gone!! Like my sweet Summer Rain, Y also pays very close attention to details. Nothing gets past her eyes!!LOL! She loves to jump and run and ride and play ball. Not a girly girl this one. Oh so beautiful!! The Wubby will have his hands full with his two daughters when they start to date!!LOL!!
My days are filled with her smile and my nights are filled with longing to bring her home. It feels so right to be here with her, yet it feels so wrong to leave without her. She will come bravely one day, but we will have a long road to build trust. She is old enough now, that she has seen so many of her little friends leave, and not come back. That is good for them, but for Y it seems a terrible thing. She has a good life here, but she needs a family and a home of her own. She doesn't understand that she will have an even more wonderful life when she comes to our family. Here she has nothing that is hers. There is no ownership of anything. Not a single toy, not a single shirt, not a shoe nor a sock. Most importantly, not a mother or a father. The Special Mothers here are incredible women. They truly are, but they are not the mothers of these little ones, they share their love while they are here, but they go home to families, and someone else steps in. Y doesn't realize that these women are not hers. I am hers. One day she will know that, and so much more. I will have to sit with her for many nights and comfort her. We have to build our relationship. I will tell her all about her life here, and her birthmother. I will see saddness beyond belief in her eyes, and it will be my job to help her deal with all of her pain. I cannot erase what has been, but I can assure her of comfort, understanding, and love. I know I can count on our Father to lead me in the way to reach out to Y and help her. He knows the secret to unlocking her trust. He will whisper that way to me. I am counting on it!