Morning Already?

As I awoke to the alarm this morning, at 5am no less, I hit the floor with a quiet thud as I walked toward the light in the bathroom. I looked up, squinting at my husband who always gets up this early on Tuesday mornings, and said," There are only three things that get me up this early. One, a trip to Disney,two, a trip to Guatemala, and three Jesus!" I went to mass!!
I could hardly believe that it was already time for the darkness to be replaced by the dawn. Hmmmm. How profound of a statement is that on such a day as this. I have waited so long for my period of darkness and waiting to be replaced by the light of a new day. To hear God saying,"See, I am doing something new." Today is the day! Our hearing day. The word "hearing" itself is full of meaning. The court proceeding today is not called a "listening", but a "hearing". To me, that implies that someone will actually hear what is being said. They will not just listen, but will HEAR. Anyone who has ears ought to hear.
I will praise God for His divine life in me. I am so thankful for Him and for His direction and providence. The Lord has done great things for me and I am filled with joy!! He is the bread of life, and He will raise me up on the last day. He reminds me, " I go before you always, come follow me."

To Judge and to be Judged

Greetings! Tomorrow I will be clock-watching and praying and wondering if someone else's schedule is running "on time"!! Our hearing, the one we have been waiting for for a whole year, is finally here! Tomorrow at 10:30 am Guatemala time, a judge will sit on the judge's seat in a courtroom in Guatemala City. That judge will look at our case, and decide what to do. I do not know this judge. I have written a letter a long time ago to this judge. I have prayed for this judge, and I have wondered what I could do to impress upon this judge just how much I love the little girl staring back at her from the page her picture is attached to. How can one person decide the future of another? The decision this judge makes will cause many ripples in the ocean that is the life of a child. I would hope that this judge takes the time to pray to the One True Judge before making any decision. The Judge of heaven and earth. That Judge will give divine wisdom, if only the other judge will seek it. Wisdom. How wonderful is wisdom. It guides us to the path of righteousness. It is ours for the asking. I am asking for wisdom to be given to this judge. I am asking that this earthly judge seek God's plan for the future of this child. I am asking that somehow, some way, this earthly judge will know that this tiny daughter has a family to call her own. A family that has waited almost four years for her to join them. A family committed to caring for her for the rest of her life. Our family. I am asking that this earthly judge seek the guidance of the Heavenly Judge. After all, this tiny daughter has a name, and her name has a meaning, and that meaning is : "God is my Judge."

The Lord's Day

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Today the sun is shining here and the sky is blue. The warmth of the day seeps into my soul. I love days like this. They start out with promise and end with fulfillment. We went to mass this morning and the church was decorated befitting Pentecost Sunday. I can't help but see the "rightness" of this being Pentecost Sunday. The church celebrating the "coming of the Holy Spirit" to us at a time in our adoption when we have been praying so hard for the coming of the Holy Spirit. It is as if the Lord Himself wants everyone to know that He is present for us at this time. The Advocate is ever present to us. The Advocate is ever present to all of us. That is the beauty of our Lord's divine nature. He knows exactly what we need. When we need it most, and He sends us "marching orders" (as Father Phil said today). We come to worship Him and He gives us a mission. I pray that my mission will soon involve a trip to Guatemala to bring home my daughter.
The picture I have posted is so precious to me. The hand of a mother holding the hand of her daughter. The momma holds the child's hand so tenderly and yet open-palmed. It is the instrument of invitation and patience and of honoring the child's ability to "come" when she is ready. Palm touching palm. Nerve endings, like the Holy Spirit, firing impulses of heat and warmth and direction. They both feel the connection. They both long for the touch to never end.
Pray for our touch to never end. Pray Tuesday for the courtroom to filled with the Holy Spirit.
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful, and enkindle in us the fire of your love.
Send forth your Spirit so that we may be created, and you will renew the face of the earth.
Oh God, by the light of the Holy Spirit, you instruct the hearts of the faithful,grant that by that same Holy Spirit, we may be truly wise and ever rejoice in His consolations, through that same Christ our Lord. Amen.

Lord Prepare Me

Well, I guess you decided to check one more time to see if I would write anything:-) I am glad you did!! We have much to discuss, but I cannot possibly write it all down. Just know that God has been being "God" and He has been working with me, in me, and through me. Not an easy job, I tell you :-) This year started off very well, with a visit trip in January to Guatemala to see my daughter. I met with our attorney while there, and found out that we had a hearing scheduled that I didn't know about. Imagine my surprise as well as my delight!! Of course, when I found out that the hearing wasn't until May, I was a bit upset. What is a Momma to do but wait?? After the initial disappointment, I realized that a hearing was a good thing, even if I had to wait five months for it to happen. "Lord, prepare me" was a prayer I uttered. I needed prepared for the lengthy wait that stretched before me. I needed to be prepared for the calender to creep by as I waited. I asked the Lord for things to do while I waited so that the time would fly by!! WHEW!! He delivered! Nothing like back to back dance competitions in two different cities with a snow storm thrown in there to boot, then there was the updating of all of the powerpoints for my class I teach, and then there was Easter and a party for my daughter's 11th birthday. Then One son decided he wanted to move into an apartment...then a second son decided that his brother had a great idea!! Okaaaaay. Now I had to run around and find stuff for TWO apartments!! When they were both out, it was then that my daughter decided to "change rooms" which included re-painting walls and re-doing a bathroom to befit a true "tween"...oh, and Mom, can it be done BEFORE my party??? AHHHHH. Needless to say it all worked out, and then we breathed for a moment as we looked forward to the year end dance recital,which took place last weekend. All is quiet just in time for the official countdown to the hearing which will be next Tuesday. "Lord, prepare me for the last few days which will be the hardest of all." He has given me divine strength and encouragment. From everywhere He has placed before me a banquet of mercy, compassion, support, surprises, and rest. GOD IS AWESOME!!!! No doubt about it!! I have received EVERYTHING from my Lord! He has left NOTHING out. His grace has flowed in abundance, and He has drenched me with His Spirit.
Today I pray in thanksgiving for all He has done for me. I sing praise to my Lord and God who keeps all of His promises. I also pray, "Lord, prepare me...for the next step you want me to take. I know the hearing is looming in my future, but You know the outcome. If you are telling me ,"Do not let your heart be troubled", then I won't:-) These last four days could be spent in anxiousness or worry. The last four days could be spent in praise and worship. Hmmm. Praise and worship it is!!
Lord, Prepare me...

I Prefer a Chariot Ride

I read today that the perspective we take with each trial truly makes a difference. If we view each trial as a "chariot", then we can either be run over by it or we can hop a ride and allow it to bring us closer to our Lord. The reading didn't say it was easy to hop a ride...what is worthwhile rarely is.
I have been pondering this today.
Thanks for listening.

A Looooooong Time

Greetings my fellow bloggers. It has been a very long year since my last post. Maybe I will fill in the gaps, maybe I will not. Right now, I just want everyone reading to know we are still in-process in Guatemala with our adoption. Our daughter is still at the orphan care home where she has been for the past three years. We spent many, many months waiting on word of progress, and now we have a sliver of news. We are scheduled for a hearing on May 25th. What will be accomplished at this hearing we do not know. Maybe a lot, maybe nothing. We will have to wait on the Lord for whatever He will be doing on that day. (He has been working hard on our behalf all of this time...He must be tired!!) The Lord has done great things for me over the past three years of this adopton journey. He has drawn me closer to Him, and has shown me how to rely on only Him. He alone is trustworthy. He alone I need. He alone. Even though He knows that I only need Him, He continues to bless me with friends that uplift me every day. He even sends me a prophet once in awhile just to let me know that nothing will be impossible for Him :-) What a great God I have!!! A prophet!!! Just for ME!!!!! Gotta love that Father of mine :-) Awesome!

Witness Talk on Rest

As you all know, the Bible is living. Every book, every chapter, and every verse are pregnant with meaning. The meaning is very unique to each reader. Not in the sense that the meaning is given BY the person reading it, but that the words themselves are full and overflowing with multiple portions of knowledge that fill us where we are empty. I am sure you all have experienced this phenomenon yourselves. One day you read a verse, and it speaks to you so powerfully and you are forever changed by the wisdom gained, and as time passes, you re-read the same passage only to find that there is more to what you read. There is “another take” on the same passage. A way to see it that you didn’t see before. Well, this happens to me often, and the most recent was with my very own Cursillo weekend verse. I will start with quoting it.
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.
When I attended my weekend, I did not think I needed this encounter. I didn’t feel it necessary. It was just something I did after John attended his weekend. It was a getaway, and John was encouraging me to go, so “why not”?
As I contemplated this verse that would represent my weekend, I was thinking that it had very little significance. I really wasn’t in need of rest. Things were going pretty good actually.
It was not until after the weekend was over that I realized my life was indeed in need of rest. I went through many changes and the Holy Spirit brought forth lots of dark areas in my life that I had pushed aside and left unresolved. As I navigated through the new waters with a fresh perspective, I knew that I had work ahead of me.
Things started happening all at once. There were conflicts under tough scrutiny by me. A true re-evaluation of my life and where it was supposed to be going. Was I truly where God wanted me to be? Was I doing what God wanted me to do? All of these questions and no answers equaled stress and no rest! I sat back and absorbed my special verse and indeed drew closer to Christ to give me the rest I craved. As I prayed for this rest, He sent me people to advise me and comfort me. He sent me prayer warriors to lift me up. He sent me solutions to problems that plagued me. He spoke to me and said “Come to Me”, and as I did just that, He poured out His mercy and grace on me. He poured out His loving kindness and covered me with the blanket of His love. I finally understood what He wanted from me. He wanted me to simply,”Come to Him”. To show up at His door. He had what I needed. He offered rest. I accepted His offer.
After this, I thought I had it figured out. I saw the reason I needed to be at Cursillo that weekend. I saw the need for me to learn to come to Christ. I thought about my future with Christ as I would no longer delay in coming to Him when the burdens of my life overwhelmed me. No longer would I go it alone. No longer would I not ask for rest when I felt I needed it. What a great verse I had discovered. What a great new perspective on dealing with the times when I felt life’s pressure burying me. I would just bring these troubles to my Lord, and He would make them go away for awhile. He would give me the break I needed to rest, before tackling whatever was pressing in on me. Thank you Christ for all of the rest you provided, as I learned more about You and your ways.
As we all know, not all burdens are created equal. Some are here for an hour, some a day, some a lifetime. As I have walked my path with Christ, I have been awakened to this truth. What happens when I need rest, but rest is not possible? I have found this to be so true in the case of our adoption. The ups and downs of our case. The seemingly endless waiting. The day in day out prayers for resolution. The tears, the sadness, the injustice, and the hole in my heart that is just the right size to fit in a tiny little 2 year old girl who waits to come home to her mommy. I know I have gone to Christ for rest during many times throughout these past years of waiting. How often Christ has listened to my whining and crying and mourning. How often has He dried my tears and sent me back out the door to continue walking the walk. How often has He held me for awhile, and then turned me around and said “GO”. It took several times of these encounters with Christ to see that He was treating me differently than He did before. I realized one day that He was not giving me the rest I thought I needed. I guess growing pains are felt just as keenly in spiritual growth as they are in physical growth!
Just a few days ago, Christ awakened in me a new truth about my Cursillo verse. He has been pulling me forward toward this for awhile. He allowed me to see a new meaning to the same words. A more grown-up meaning if you will. First, He still says,”Come to Me”, but not to have him make it all better. Not to have Him remove the burdens of my life, or allow me to sail over them. I need to come to Him to get direction, to let go of everything and commit it all to Him. The “rest” that Christ offers is not putting me to bed and holding my hand and singing me to sleep, but it is getting me out of bed, out of listlessness and exhaustion, and out of my condition of being half dead while I am still alive.(Quoted from My Utmost for His Highest). His rest will sustain me, causing me to stand firm.
I read the other day about two artists who were asked to draw a picture depicting rest. One drew a serene lake in a secluded spot. Free from all distraction. I could just picture this, and really relate to wanting to go there! The other drew a crashing waterfall with a tree standing next to it. In the tree was a bird’s nest, and in it a momma bird with her babies. When evaluated, the first artist’s rendering was determined not to be rest, but stagnation. The second drawing however, was true rest, rest that is not derived from the absence of activity. Hmmm. I am getting a new insight.
So often my circumstances are cause for chaos, not rest. I look for ways to engineer these circumstances so that they cause the least amount of chaos. I sometimes avoid or stop things just to make sure I don’t have certain circumstances to deal with. In my avoidance, I avoid God. I avoid His plans for me. I hinder His ability to orchestrate great things and true growth in me. Jesus never chose His circumstances either. He allowed God the Father to do this. He submitted to the Father’s plan and directions for Him. God made plans, and Jesus, regardless of the circumstances, carried them out. How did He do that???? How can I do this? I know my circumstances are real, and be that as it may, I must maintain complete reliance on God. I must be willing to risk all for His sake. I must trust Him. I must remember that He is with me always, and that He is aware of every circumstance surrounding me, even the ones that I am not aware of. I must remember that He always does what He says He’s going to do. Just like in the gospel of Mark. Jesus said,”Let us cross to the other side.” When the storm came, and the disciples woke Him, they were fearful of what might happen to them. Jesus rebuked them. He has rebuked me also for just this kind of fear. He tells me one thing, and then when all is not smooth sailing, I want to cry out and ask Him to make it stop! He told the disciples “Let us cross to the other side”. He did not tell them that they would “attempt” to cross to the other side. He did not tell them that they would smoothly sail to the other side. He did not tell them that they would cross to the middle and drown in a violent squall. He simply tells them “Let us cross to the other side.” He tells, we follow. No matter what happens in between, the end result will be the same. If Jesus says we are going to the other side, then we will go to the other side. The circumstances we encounter along the way are not of our concern. I must admit that in the storms of my life, I am guilty of looking skyward and shouting, ”A little help here, please!!” I think that what I may need to do is look skyward and shout, ”Now what?” After all, He tells, I follow. These are His circumstances, and He knows best how to deal with them. He was the one on the boat napping. He was completely at rest. He was unbothered by the wind and unflustered by the waves. I imagine He was getting a bit wet from the spray of the sea, yet He continued His rest. He knew who was in control. He dwelled not on anything else. If my focus is on Christ, I will fear not, and I will always be at rest.